Halloween is a-pointless-holiday that scares the bejeebies out of me. This unusual celebration of ghouls, ghosts and goblins is so peculiar. Allow me to shed some light on the dark holiday. Stage one, two and three and four for your convenience.
Stage 1) Small children dress up for Halloween and run around the neighborhood collecting candy, a delightful occasion, all fun and games. Until the next stage of life comes in.
Stage 2) Teenagers. Probably scarier than the all the fright mares in Utah combined. Many of the girls use the holiday to dress up like whores, but original whores, nonetheless. Referee whores, evil witch whores, lady bug whores...the list goes on. Someone brave should talk some sense into them, or put some more clothes on them. No one wants to see that much skin. Perhaps I'll lend them my coat, it is freezing and they are extremely exposed to the harsh weather conditions.
Stage 3) Adults. Just take a look at your parents. Trick or treat with the small babes and a game of cards after finishing your child's Halloween extravaganza. I will never join PTA. (Stage 3.5) Some of the adult males who showed up on my doorstep begging for candy. These men were balding, but proudly held their pillowsacks wide opened. Shame on you, now run off my porch and pretty please don't egg my house. Despite my fear of vandalism, I refused to give them candy.)
Stage 4) Grannies and Grampas: The sweetest of the bunch, and with no teeth to chew the delectable goodies. What a shame. I vow to never be wrinkly.
Is it just me, or did it seem like there were a lot of kids dressed up like angry birds for the Halloween holiday? The phrase often goes, "great minds think alike" but I prefer "moms of Utah County think alike."
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